I keep a simple and true belief at the heart of my relationship with students’ families: A child’s family is their first teacher. I have the pedagogical background to support their child’s learning, but when it comes to the whole child, the family is much more knowledgeable.

Because of this belief, two-way communication with students’ families feels essential. To fully support each unique student, I need families’ support and collaboration.

We’re talking about a relationship, and all good relationships are built on trust. While families hear from teachers often – through newsletters and emails and handouts sent home – they’re not always as accustomed to engaging with us in an authentic, two-way dialogue. It can take work to open the door into real conversation and convey that I really do want to hear from them.

To establish a trust-based relationship with students’ families, I move through this process of connection:

1. I share my view that caregivers are experts on their children, and that I’m here to learn from them. 

I make sure to clearly communicate a core belief during my first conversation with students’ caregivers. I say, ”You are the expert on your own child. I want to learn from you. Just as you’re counting on me, I’m counting on you.” When I say this, I’m often met with smiles and warmth. Caregivers appear disarmed and reflective. I’m a parent myself, and I think caregivers can forget their expertise when they drop their child(ren) off at kindergarten. School can feel intimidating, particularly for families experiencing this transition for the first time. A caregiver has kept their child happy and thriving, and then somewhere along their walk into the schoolhouse, they forget that they’re the expert. My belief statement gestures toward building back their confidence, inviting caregivers into an equal partnership.

2. I invite families to get to know me as a person.

From the beginning of my relationship with families, I’m deliberate in humanizing myself. Sometimes people say teachers are heroes, but I didn’t sign up to be a hero. I signed up to be a human sharing my love for learning with other humans. I want to connect on a human level! So in my first communications, I share my hobbies and interests, how I spent my summer, and some photos. A caregiver might think, “You like tacos? So do I. You spent the summer at the beach? So did I.” It’s nothing too personal, but it’s enough information to invite connection and to make me feel more approachable to them. 

3. I set expectations around communication channels, and I follow through.

At the beginning of the school year, I send home an introductory letter describing how families can expect to hear from me. I clearly define the channels of communication back to me and state, “If you reach out, you’ll hear from me within 48 hours.” I keep my word. When we schedule meetings, I’m careful to arrive on time and prepared. All of us are busy, and things do come up, so I remain flexible, but I believe an important element of trust is dependably following through.

4. I offer flexibility and grace.

I know that taking care of kids can be challenging, and life is challenging. Bad days happen, people have their moments, and occasionally those tough moments happen for families at school. I would never want someone to hold one bad day against me. Personally, I need grace. I need forgiveness every single day. And so it goes back to giving other people exactly what I would want to be given. I hold the working belief that I want the same thing for my students that families want for their children. Caregivers want their children to be happy, safe and learning. Keeping that in mind as our common and shared goal allows me to let go of tough moments and continue making student centered decisions.

All of this work is about challenging myself to remain intentional about making my connection with families a true collaboration. I want to always talk with families instead of at them. And when I get the chance to engage them in conversations, I always challenge myself to ask them, “What do you think?” and then to hold real space to honor their responses. Together, we collaborate throughout the school year to support each other, and I find it’s one of the best ways to uplift students.