I teach in a middle school with about 1,200 students and staff. Research suggests that it takes approximately 10,000 practice hours to be considered an expert in any field. Having completed over twelve years of teaching, I have surpassed that count – most recently teaching over 1,200 hours in a building with 1,200 people where the median age is 12. It is one of the most fascinating places to come to work every day, with all of these students in the midst of figuring out who they are, how they fit and where they belong. I still do not consider myself an expert, but my students often tell me that I’m one of their favorite teachers. I honor their voice by asking, “Well, what makes you feel that way?” They tell me, “You listen to us.”

Now, I don’t think I’m the best teacher in the world, however I do have a unique teaching catalogue with an array of experiences. When I started really sitting with their words, I realized: It is not that they just want to be heard. It’s that they want to be understood. They want adults who see them and reflect back to them that they matter.

I wanted to capture what they’re experiencing, so I sat down with my pen and asked, what if I could create something that allows other people to honor the voices of students? From there, I developed my LISTEN framework: a way for teachers, staff and even school leaders to build stronger relationships with students and one another through intentional listening. The framework is built around six simple concepts that, together, create a powerful tool that can transform relationships.

The LISTEN Framework

Each letter stands for a way we can truly listen to students, not just with our ears but with our whole selves.

L – Look in their eyes. 

Our students want to be seen. Sometimes, eye contact feels awkward. Middle schoolers especially are still making so many discoveries in the area of self-awareness, and it can be tempting to look away when they look away. But I remind myself: If I avoid their gaze just because they look away, I’m reinforcing their instinct to shrink.

A student once told me, “Ms. Scott, I don’t think anyone’s ever actually looked at me like that before.” That’s how much eye contact matters. There’s so much research behind the power of eye contact. So, look in their eyes.

I – Initiate nonjudgmental connections. 

Our students want to feel safe enough to share. Middle schoolers will shut down fast if they sense judgment. That is why I train myself to react with openness, no matter what they say. Instead of jumping in with advice or concern, I ask, “Tell me more. How did you feel when that happened?” Society tells us to “say less.” When it comes to listening to middle schoolers, I look at them and gently invite them to “say more.” In many ways we are a mirror for them. So it is important for me to remember the way I carry myself – whether I am tense, distracted or smiling – it matters just as much as my words.

S – Smile. 

Our students need to know they belong. We can’t overstate this message. “You belong in our classroom.” We all know the power of greeting students at the door. But when the day gets busy, it’s easy to rush past those little moments. A simple smile can be a bridge. Slowing down creates a margin for us to reflect on the message we are sending nonverbally.

T – Talk about what matters to them. 

Our students need space to share their world. Students need time to talk – about their interests, their lives and their passions.

And when we share what matters to us, too, we remind them that we’re human. That our classroom is a space for connection. Authentic connection adds meaning to the content.

E – Engage, even if they don’t want to talk. 

Our students need to know we see them, even in silence. One of my students told me, “Ms. Scott, you can still engage with us even if we don’t want to talk.” That stuck with me. Some kids aren’t talkers. But they notice when we show up – when we go to their orchestra concerts, sports games, or theater events; when we see them in the hallway and ask how their choir concert went; when we remember something small about them that they may have shared in a prior passing moment

Even the quietest students want to be acknowledged.

N – Never believe it’s too late. 

Our students need us to keep showing up. Sometimes it can feel like, man, I’m not connecting here. I’m doing all of these things, and it’s just not working. But things are never too far gone. Last year, I had a student who never invited me to a single soccer game, even though I overheard the student inviting other staff members. I just assumed the student didn’t want me there. Then, months after the student moved on to high school, I received an email: “Ms. Scott, I still think about what you taught me. I’d love for you to come to one of my games.”

That reminded me that just because we don’t see the impact doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Sometimes, the seeds we plant take time to bloom. So, we must embrace a mindset of cultivation, not quick fixes.

Why Does This Type of Listening Matter So Much? 

So many kids are wrestling with the same big question: “Am I enough?”

They might not say it in those words, but it’s underneath everything they do. It’s in the way they carry themselves, in the way they react when they don’t get picked for a group or team, in the way they test our patience just to see if we’ll still be there for them. The way we listen can answer that question for them. And listening isn’t just about taking in words. It’s about what we do with what we hear.

The LISTEN framework isn’t just for students; it’s for human connection. It’s for staff-to-staff relationships. It’s for the way we show up in our schools, our communities and our lives.

Listening Is an Action

And it can change everything. We’re busy as educators, but sometimes we have to slow down and accept a slower pace that communicates to a child they’re important to us. We can’t spend our whole lives just rushing to the next thing. Even at times, walking through the hallways, I tell myself to slow down. By moving quickly, I might send off an energy that is anxious and uninviting, and kids are not going to approach me if they feel like I’m too busy. If I even look too busy for them, they’re going to be less likely to approach me. 

When we make listening the cornerstone of our practice with kids, it can shape the way we move through the school – and the ways our students perceive our openness to really knowing who they are and understanding who they are becoming.